A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court,' said the desk sergeant.
'No, no,no!' said the man. 'I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!'
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,'You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
'' Why?' she asks.'
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere
'If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?' said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.'Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?' enquired the teacher with a sneer.
'Well, actually I don't,' said the student, 'but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.'
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.
The gentleman replied, ' Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white ?
Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life.' Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, ' So, why is the groom wearing black ?'
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?
With certainty in his voice, the man said, 'You'll know tonight.'
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - ' The meaning of Dreams'.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance.
In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.
'To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? You've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.
It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.
This HAD to be written by a woman!No one else could describe it so accurately.
On July 7th is the STAR FESTIVAL(七夕祭り) ( TANABATA MATSURI) .It is for celebratting for an angel (ORI HIME) (織姫) and her earth husband to meet up once a year on this month .Well,as you all might knows the story of an old love story from the China about an angel (ORI HIME) ( 織姫) fall in love with a young man(HIKO BOSHI)( 彦星) from earth who raising the cows and they get married but unfortunally their married cannot end up till the last coz ORI HIME must go back to the heaven.So they can only see each other for once a year in the month of july 7th only .So this festival we celebrated it to wish them both can meet up peacefully and also to make our wish come true of what we have wishes for....
So here i would like to show you all some pics that the celebration of this STAR FESTIVAL near my place.Hope you all like it!!!(^0^)/
Look at the shadows below .
Have u ever noticed the images that we see ?
This is known to the world............
But NASA has released only half of the Picure taken.............
Now see the original Full Picture..................!!!!!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
This is the craziest thing I've seen in a long time. For those of you in the 21st century (e.g. blackberry owners), you'll need to look at this on a pc. You also have to get out of your seat and walk away from your computer. People may think you're crazy. But it's well worth it.)
When you look at this picture in a closer look you see its Albert Einstein .But if you stand 5 meters distance. It will become Marilyn Monroe .
Give a try. (^0^)/